Testosterone and muscle cramps

This is the currently side effects I’m experiencing! I always try to do some research before sharing that my issues are T related…but my muscles are in so much pain lately from all the cramping, and it’s certainly not water related.


Source: Testosterone and muscle cramps


As far as any other side effects? My appetite has become more manageable, but I’m still more hungry than I used to be. I used to eat about 1000-1200 calories on my diet and be fine. After a few days of bad hunger pain at that range, it escalated to 18-2000 calories. I’m trying to get between 14-1800 calories now and for the most part? That feels right.

My libido is a little more calm now, though I certainly have my days.

And while I have been losing weight and dropped an inch off my waist and another off my hips and thighs and such…my neck went up and so did my upper arms.

It’s only been a month (well, a full month tomorrow), but these are the changes that I have noticed. Again, some things could be my fluctuating diet and poor food choices (STILL LOSING WEIGHT THO’) but…I’ll keep updating you all on anything I consider to be a cause of the Testosterone. Then I can make a more comprehensive list of side effects FTM’s can expect when starting T. Aside from the side effects…you know…we want.

Cause I’m ready for the eventual body hair and hair loss but I was HELLA not prepared for these CRAMPS, y’all.


Being Active

Okay. I’m not thin, but I’m not super big either. But I’m confident…had I just been born a male…I’d have some cute little moobs.

Which I really don’t want. If you think about it, I’ve had moobs since…5th grade. Thanks early puberty. I’m kinda over it. When I get top surgery…I want to look good and natural.

Imma make heads turn, damn it.

But I’m a lazy gamer. (ノ-_-)ノ Ugh.

I’m also a fan of NOT cooking.

Aside from not wanting moobs, my other motivation is to start my own official Quidditch team! There are none in my area! It’s really fun to play. I’ve only played it with 3-4th graders, haha.

So…I’m trying to eat better. There are things I can eat that aren’t Taco Bell and require no cooking…I just have to actually eat them.

Having no sense of smell, therefore flavor makes this easier…and harder as well.

BUT REALLY. I’m doing Boxing. And I love it. I love the shit out of it you guys. I joined a UFC gym after a free Boxing conditioning class and I don’t regret it at all. It’s motivated me to be active, to think about my health, and to get on a consist workout regime…otherwise those conditioning classes are gonna WHOOP my ass. And I don’t like being the slowest in the class. It holds me accountable and motivates me to be better than when I started.

(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و  Wish me luck as I strive to attain my super attractive male body!


Hey, I got a secret. You’ll never guess!

tl;dr – A link at the bottom I recommend you read if you hate yourself, too! :D


I hate myself! Yay! If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s self-loathing, for sure.

I don’t say this for attention.

But, I say this with humor.

Because that is my defense mechanism for dealing with uncomfortable things. This is not related to dysphoria of the body or being Trans.

I don’t know what started my path of self-hatred, but it’s hard to not default to it most days. I’m sure I could trace it back to my childhood and how I was never held enough or given affection…but going forward from here is what really matters.

I have a difficult time talking to people, even loved ones, about my feelings because of this. I assume no one wants to hear me. No one wants to listen. And that they all have valid reasons to hate me, and I should hate myself for those same reasons (even though I know it’s like 99.9% fabricated, bonafide bull shit).

I have never received help for these thoughts and feelings, and I know they are all too common. Queer, Cis, Boy, Girl, Tri-gendered Fox-Kin, no one escapes self-loathing. It lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike. And it hurts when it does, but we can’t stop it. We sit and we take it until we run out of ammunition to keep shooting ourselves in the foot.

I have bought books, read articles, taken vitamin’s and other supplements, but never gotten help. And while I may address some of these issues while going to my Trans Therapy…I wanted to share this link.

This Made Me Cry Everywhere

I feel like it speaks for itself. And if you’ve ever hated yourself…you’ll understand.


Thanks for listening, lost ones. :)



Holy Shit Storm

If I’m gone a lot, and you noticed….clap your hands.


I recently got a new job working overnights, 11pm to 7am. It’s my first CONSISTENT job and first FULL-TIME job. I’m beating up my binaural clock to let me sleep in the day and stay awake at night, but it’s hard.

I’d post ALL the time if I had Wi-Fi at work, but I don’t. And I don’t like writing and posting on my phone. I need to accumulate data (yay Verizon’s new rollover plan!) so I don’t feel bad, hogging all the data.

I’ll use my weekend to try and conjure up/finish some posts so that things happen while I’m sleeping during the day, haha.





Adventures in the Parking Lot

A few night ago, I got to meet someone, I had met online, in person. I met them on OKCupid when I was looking to make friends.

I know. OKCupid. To make friends. I didn’t get a single dick pic. It was shocking but I’m certainly not unappreciative.

Anyways, we live in the same city, met up at Starbucks, I bought him coffee, and we went Pokemon hunting. We meet other trainers and saw people camping out in front of gyms. It was a lot more fun than I was expecting it to be!

It was getting late, so we headed back to the car to say our goodbyes when all of a sudden…

“Heeeeeeyyyyy… Is this your car?”

This guy rolls up on his little bike to strike up an intoxicated conversation. Apparently, Ozzy Osbourne shows up every Saturday to have coffee with police officers in a trashy blue pick up truck. And gave him some weed. Of which he showed us his “sacred weed” that he shall never smoke, which was torn out clump of grass. He also lives in the trash can “over there”.

Curse me for not knowing how to keep my mouth shut, I gained his attention by agreeing and asking questions with whatever nonsense came out of his toothless mouth. He kept getting closer and closer to me which is what became the plan. I let my new friend get away to his car and I was able to safely get into mine, end the conversation, and watch him roll up to another group talking in the parking lot.

This was not terrifying. Not even nerve wracking for me. Where I went to college, I’d go as far to say half the population is or has been homeless. I have a lot of experience with these kinds of people. The only upsetting part of the entire conversation was…

He asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

So much for what I thought was a good make up/outfit/binding job.